Sovereignty - A Gothic Horror Piece Created at the Edge of Self-Discovery

Sovereignty is equal parts coronation and funeral – the moment when an old self loosens its grip and a new life appears.

This work of surrealist horror marks the culmination of years of searching, a tireless effort to track my north star through the cold winds of doubt, fear, and self-denial.

It's a feeling of arrival – of standing at the threshold of a new way of being, and the only thing left to do is open the doors.

The Inspiration for Sovereignty

There's been a single question guiding my personal journey over the past several years:

Why do I not consistently move in alignment with my greatest values?

My search for answers to this question took me back through my life – to painful moments and triumphant moments, to times when I'd loved and times when I'd wounded.

I needed to see it all clearly. I needed to perceive the reality of my childhood, to understand the long years I spent disconnected from myself.

I had to know why it was so difficult to gain clarity on what I wanted and to steadily move in the direction of my sincerest desires.

As I searched for answers, patterns began to take shape. Clarity emerged. And with them, the energy to keep going.

At the time I made Sovereignty, I was close to something big. I couldn't have guessed how deep that experience would go, but I knew I was on the doorstep of a shift that would alter my experience of life.

Like a mirage swirling up from desert winds, the imagery for Sovereignty appeared to me in that moment.

I saw a great cathedral. Separate, but still bound to the unforgiving steel of rigid, automated processes. The cathedral holds the promise of something grand, though its imposing exterior makes it clear that entrance will come at a price.

Two women rise from the smoke. One carries a bouquet of wilting roses, the other a dagger. Together, they mark the death of an identity that was never true and the quiet power to forge a new one.

The women's vision is obscured, but they hold the ability to see beyond human appearances and into the source of our deepest doubts, fears, and beliefs.

At the time I began sketching the forms into place, I didn't know what was on the other side of this discovery. Subsequent pieces of art would tell that strange story one image at a time.

But in this moment, I didn't need to understand everything.

I only knew that the long years of searching had brought me to my destination.

The Creation of Sovereignty

The drawing process for Sovereignty was a matter of translation more than invention.

As my pencil moved across the paper, I set aside conscious decision-making and allowed each shape to emerge on its own. Symbols changed mid-process and I didn't bargain with them. I just trusted them to tell me what they needed to be.

Final ink drawing.

Digital ink gave me the freedom to refine and clarify the work, including the dense hatching lines that give the piece its texture.

I recently wrote in detail about the process for discovering the color palette, and once I'd committed to the warm sepia tones, the remaining work was was steady and structured.

Shadows added depth, edge lighting created dramatic effect, soft glows gave the cathedral lights their presence. Piece by piece the art took shape – until one day, I opened the file and there was nothing left to change.

Reflections on Sovereignty

It's been one year since I began the sketch for Sovereignty. As with all the symbolic art I'd made before it, this image was rooted in personal experience – but that experience was not unique to me.

Sovereignty is about the act of searching within ourselves for something true. It acknowledges the messy, complicated nature of human beings and the ways we lose ourselves in the process of living.

If you've felt a dissonance between how you move through the world and who you know yourself to be underneath, this work is for you.

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I post process videos, sketches, and behind-the-scenes work as new art takes shape. If you'd like to see the next stages of this world as it's built, you can find me here:

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